why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
