his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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