then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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