I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
