it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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