Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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