Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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