I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
