I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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