So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
