I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
