And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
