I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
