i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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