went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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