he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
