That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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