First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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