if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
