woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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