When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
