i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
