On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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