when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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