You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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