Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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