whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
3pm strippers are depressing
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
