Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't deserve a penis
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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