you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
