I can tuck mytits in my pants
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize