She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
