I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
