Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she looked like the before picture.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
