yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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