Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
