Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
