so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
