I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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