he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
