Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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