i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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