I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
