no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she peed on how many people?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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