No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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