You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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