Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
