I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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