I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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