Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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