There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
