don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
